So, I have come to the realization tonight, not one that I am even sure I want to write down because it is not reassuring or flattering.
I have realized that no matter what I do, I am going to mess my kid up. Or I should say, my kid will mess up.
I am THAT mom that thinks about everything that she is doing & how it is affecting her kid not only now, but when he is 15.
Not that I cater to his every whim or want him to feel like the world revolves around him. I also am firm in making sure that he always uses manners & will enforce whatever we are trying to teach him in right from wrong.
I just have always thought that if I am careful & plan ahead, if I try to do my absolute best to cover all the bases on how to be a healthy happy person, that he will not make the same mistakes I did.
Here’s the thing, that is what my Mom did, bless her. I am my mother’s daughter. I couldn’t have had more careful parents when it came to raising us to the best of their abilities. I had a loving home, my parents were pretty strict, I couldn’t date until I was 18. They were very clear about right & wrong. How to be a morally sound person.
I didn’t listen. There were times in my life that I did really crappy things. What’s worse, I completely knew better. I have hurt people that hate me & really have every right to, even though I haven’t been that person for years.
A little over 6 years ago I had a wakeup call. I realized that I had been living completely different then I knew was right, I was pushing away those who loved me, like my parents. I was making unhealthy choices that I knew would only further pain & heartache. I was still a good person, I always have been. I just have had a few times in my life when I really chose wrong.
I cannot change those choices & I am thankful that I was just able to learn from them, bury some shame & move on. I worked towards a better life, consciously making healthy choices, even if it wasn’t the easiest choice at the time.
Sometimes I can be quick to dole out advice, especially to my younger sibling-in-laws, because I want them to learn from my mistakes & maybe I can save them some pain.
But it doesn’t really work like that does it? We still touch the iron when your mom says it’s hot (true story).
The point Blondie, you’re thinking…..
My point is, when I think of every different type of parent I know, the super cautious like mine, to the worst & the middle of the roaders. All of their kids do something that I am sure their parents wouldn’t want for them. Whether it is mild or severe. Something they have very carefully warned them against.
As a parent myself now, this is a helpless feeling. I think “if I just think about this hard enough, I can crack the code & find just the right combination”. But I know that I am fooling myself, I know from the look on my husband’s sweet face as I voice this, he is too nice to say I am fooling myself.
So, how do I raise a kid that not only knows right from wrong, but will choose the right road when it y’s? How do I keep him from doing something so stupid that it ruins his life?
I realized tonight that I can’t. I can’t keep him from being a dumbass. I can only teach him what a dumbass looks like & where it will get him in life & hope that he doesn’t want that for himself.
I can only hope that when he messes up, it is small & relatively harmless so that he learns from it.
This is hard for a momma that is a touch of a control freak & thinks there is a fix for everything if you try hard enough.
I am hoping that what I can learn from this is that I will try to chill out & have more fun with my son, not take life so seriously. Still teach him all the important things I can, but hopefully not feel like a complete failure as a parent when I see him do the opposite.
Most importantly, make sure that he knows that his parents will always be there to help him up & dust him off (even if I am thinking “I told you so”….3 yr olds really don’t get that point yet lol).
That we will love him unconditionally. As a parent that is really our only sure thing.